If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize