Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
