I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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