who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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