The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
