Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize