look no pants
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
