census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
