i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
