That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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