fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
