Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I need moral support for this bender
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
