I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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