Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
