Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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