i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
