New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
