The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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