sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
