I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
