Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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