I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
