Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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