I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize