if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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