D3 body, D1 cock
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
