bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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