I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
