Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
