i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
