so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
