And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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