shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
