you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
