His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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