is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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