i need an iv and a liver transplant
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
