When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
