Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I cannot find my penis.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
