I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
