That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
