we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
