it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
