i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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