I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize