I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
