I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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