you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
