i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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