I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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