Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
