No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i now understand why vodka
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
