Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
