A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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