Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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