I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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