Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
