U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You're like the curious george of whores
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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