hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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