Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
