Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
