I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize