apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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