I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
