Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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