sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
