he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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