This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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