Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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