I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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