For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
