im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
