Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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