I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
