Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
