we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
