I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
