So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
